Okay bare with me, this could get a bit preachy…
One month into 2017 and I have learnt so much. This is honestly surprising to me because I came into this year thinking that I was pretty much set on understanding how to deal with things and life and what not. Hahahaha no joke, this past month has been a damn rollercoaster! I partially blame this on midterms and all the stress I’ve been feeling but at the same time, I think that this was the universe or something sending me some type of wake up call.
Two of the things that I was conflicted this month were respect and confidence, or lack thereof rather. I’ll make a separate post about confidence but in this one, I want to focus on respect and how truly, fucking fundamental it is.
One thing that I’ve been pretty good at since I was little was forgiving people. Or rather, letting things slide. Sure, I guess this makes me a nice person and is all fine and good… until the second chances I would give would turn into third chances and I’d get hurt again and would sit there wondering why or self-loath for letting myself get fooled again. Each time this would happen, I’d blame the person who put me through this, never letting it cross my mind that I might actually be the one bringing this upon myself. Now, I wouldn’t go as far to say that I brought ‘heartbreak’ upon myself just by trusting people BUT, I now know that there’s a limit on the number of chances you can give someone and even more so, on how much you can allow yourself to be vulnerable in situations like these.
You might be wondering what lead me to this conclusion. I don’t really have one answer to that, but to keep things simple, after a certain number of fuckboys and fake friends it kind of just came to me. This also really comes hand in hand with the whole theme of self-love and confidence and just realizing and understanding that you’re too good to be ignored or randomly texted back after three days of being iced by a person who was actively uploading and watching your snapchat stories. Nor to feel obliged to be friendly with people who stabbed you in the back.
Let me give you an example…
It is very easy to fall into a hole of feeling inferior to the people we are talking to sometimes. What I mean by that is that we so often get so caught up in this person that so much of our attention goes into impressing them and making sure that we’re being the ‘sexiest’ or most ‘likable’ version of ourselves when we’re around or talking to them. This can lead to side effects like checking our phones every two minutes to see if they texted/have been active on social media, trying to figure out the best ways and times to talk or text them back and often times just directing all of our energy towards them. Worse… sometimes we open up to these people and tell them things we normally keep private, and sometimes we actually start to trust these people and develop feelings that we don’t know that we aren’t getting in return.
Thing is though, sometimes these feelings just aren’t mutual, and too often, this person isn’t who you think they are and have no problem with just leaving you hanging out of nowhere or straight up choosing someone over you. By this point, it’s also very likely that we’ve created these ideas and expectations in our minds of things that simply aren’t going to happen. And *drumroll please* THIS is where the let downs happen, aand the heartbreaks, pity parties and feeling like a fool for letting ourselves get “screwed over” yet again. This is the rock bottom of the hole we’ve been falling down. And it’s a vicious cycle because it’s so likely that all of this will happen again. Infatuation doesn’t hurt, it’s completely fine and completely normal, but if it’s reached this point and is making you anything less than happy. You’re into deep, and you’re putting your energy into all the wrong things.
Some people WILL use you to their convenience and think that they have the right to give you false hope for something that will benefit them and this is where we can’t let ourselves get sucked in.
That example was a little extreme and it usually (hopefully) doesn’t always reach that extent, but generally speaking, respect is required from both sides in every situation, no matter the scale.
You aren’t a second choice or some person on the side that’s just there for someone else’s convenience. Remember that and keep that in mind if someone isn’t giving you the respect that you’re giving them. Every relationship (not just romantic ones) needs to be based off of compromise FROM BOTH SIDES and nothing should feel one sided. We seriously can’t get used to being the ones who are putting in the work and getting half-assed bullshit in return. It’s a waste of energy and a waste of time. So please, if you’re in any of a situation where you feel like this may apply, stand up for yourself and tell this person/people how you feel. Or, get out, you don’t need that negativity in your life.
Remember this: If someone isn’t respecting you. They don’t deserve your time or emotion. Continue to see the best in everyone but don’t be naive, people won’t baby you and the harsh reality is that most of the time, who ever it is that is putting you through this pain doesn’t even know you’re hurting, or, doesn’t give a rats ass. Forgive but don’t forget and remember, you are so much more than this bullshit. Every hardship is a lesson and nothing more, but never EVER make the same mistake twice. Girl, strut your stuff and show them that you’re better than this. Word.
Disclaimer: I’m obviously not referring to situations where a person is not texting you back if they’re actually unable to (for example), and I am in no way saying that you should just cut people out of your life if they aren’t giving you attention hahaha